Nursery Rhymes for the kid in you

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock.. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings' horses, And all the kings' men. Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again..

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pie man, 'What have you got there?' Said the pie man unto Simon, 'Pies, you dumb ass'

Jack and Jill went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill And now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb. Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides
And everywhere that Mary went The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
..But she didn't wear that one often.