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Hondo gives, you receive
It’s the annual Hondo Christmas Special, boys and girls, so gather ’round the Bettor’s Guide tree and let Jolly St. Aitch, who compiled an impressive 9-6-1 record in Week 15 (2-1 in Best Bets), fill your stockings with an assortment of priceless goodies.
Redskins over Eagles: This just in: Skittish Sony executives, who pulled the plug on the release of “The Interview” because of an anonymous cyber threat, also may cancel Friday’s scheduled release of “Annie.” Apparently some frizzy-haired foster children don’t like how they are portrayed and have threatened to sic their dogs on the company’s cowering execs.
Chargers over 49ers: ’Tis the season for the Niners to have no reason, so if you put a little bit of coin, or even a little Bitcoin, on the still-breathing Chargers, you should be able to bolt to the winner’s circle.
Jets over Patriots: If the Jets love to play for Rex as much as they say, the least they can do is let him cover against the hated Pats in his MetLife farewell. It could happen if Geno shows a few more “flashes of being a Pro Bowl-caliber quarterback.”
Giants over Rams: Big Blue have simplified their offense to where it’s now down to one play — throw it to Beckham — which is one more than the Rams have. That should enable the Giants to keep it close, which counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and betting the underdog.
Dolphins over Vikings: Mrs. Cosby, refuting claims that Bill is a predator, says her husband is a “kind man, a generous man, a funny man and a wonderful husband, father and friend.” And, judging by many accounts, he’s also allegedly a pretty good amateur pharmacist.
Packers over Bucs: Charlie Manson reportedly bought his fiancée, Afton Burton, a wedding ring. And it’s only going to get better for the future Mrs. Manson — the rumor out of Corcoran State is that for Christmas he plans to give her a soldering iron so she can burn a swastika into her forehead.
Lions over Bears: Obama operatives reportedly are pushing progressive Mass. Senator and self-proclaimed Native American Elizabeth Warren to run for president, which could hurt Hillary Clinton’s chances of winning the nomination. If that happens, count on The Portly Pantsuit pinning the blame on “the vast left-wing conspiracy.”
If the woman sometimes called Fauxcahontas does make it to the White House, she will be the first true Commander-in-Chief.
Saints over Falcons: It turns out Pope Francis, contrary to initial reporting, did not say, “Paradise is open to all God’s creatures.” How could it be? Chances are many dogs would be turned away at the gates for using their time on Earth to commit unforgivable sins such as repeatedly humping human legs, senselessly destroying their owners’ property and polluting their homes with excessive indoor flatulence.
Steelers over Chiefs: If Roger Goodell ever loses his cushy $44 million a year gig with the NFL, he would have no problem landing a job with Sony, where execs seemingly aren’t required to have a backbone.
If nothing else, the Sony hackers have confirmed Newton’s Third Law of Motion (for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction, as if you didn’t know). While panicking company execs such as co-chairwoman Amy Pascal, who on Thursday pleaded for forgiveness from Al Sharpton for her racially charged emails, basically have been screaming: “Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!,” the opportunistic Sharpton has been yelling: “Payday! Payday! Payday!”
Panthers over Browns: Sony producer Scott Rudin ripped into Angelina Jolie in an email, calling her “a minimally talented spoiled brat from Crazyland.” That gives her something in common with Johnny Manziel.
BarkingMut of SoBe, the HondoNation southern bureau chief, says Manziel has gone from Johnny Bench to Johnny Stench.
Ravens over Texans: Houston coach Bill O’Brien has to choose between QBs Case Keenum and Thad Lewis, which is like having to choose between Geno Smith and Michael Vick.
Bills over Raiders: Barbara Walters came out of retirement again to announce her Most Fascinating Person of the Year is Amal Clooney. That must be for Amal’s willingness to marry a man so insecure, according to Sony’s hacked emails, he pleaded with execs to give him “some protection from all the reviews” of “The Monuments Men.” The man’s a monument to wimpiness.
Cowboys over Colts: If there’s a movie to be made about the Sony surrender, it should be titled either “Faintheart” or “Cowering Inferno.” With Noel Coward no longer in the picture, Wimpy George Clooney would be perfect for the lead role.
Cardinals over Seahawks: More Mut: Bill Clinton was so delighted about Obama easing the trade embargo with Cuba that if Hillary wins the White House, he plans to invite Monica Lewinsky back to share in a big fat Cuban cigar.
Bengals over Broncos: You can be sure Red Billy de Blasio and Chirlane were havana good time, downing some Mojitos and Cuban sandwiches behind the 10-foot fence he built at Gracie Mansion to keep the proletariat from looking in. Now they’ll be able to visit their honeymoon site without going by way of Canada.
BEST BETS: Dolphins, Steelers, Ravens.
THURSDAY NIGHT: Jaguars.
Have yourselves a Merry little Christmas, HondoNation!
Hondo gives, you receive
It’s the annual Hondo Christmas Special, boys and girls, so gather ’round the Bettor’s Guide tree and let Jolly St. Aitch, who compiled an impressive 9-6-1 record in Week 15 (2-1 in Best Bets), fill your stockings with an assortment of priceless goodies.
Redskins over Eagles: This just in: Skittish Sony executives, who pulled the plug on the release of “The Interview” because of an anonymous cyber threat, also may cancel Friday’s scheduled release of “Annie.” Apparently some frizzy-haired foster children don’t like how they are portrayed and have threatened to sic their dogs on the company’s cowering execs.
Chargers over 49ers: ’Tis the season for the Niners to have no reason, so if you put a little bit of coin, or even a little Bitcoin, on the still-breathing Chargers, you should be able to bolt to the winner’s circle.
Jets over Patriots: If the Jets love to play for Rex as much as they say, the least they can do is let him cover against the hated Pats in his MetLife farewell. It could happen if Geno shows a few more “flashes of being a Pro Bowl-caliber quarterback.”
Giants over Rams: Big Blue have simplified their offense to where it’s now down to one play — throw it to Beckham — which is one more than the Rams have. That should enable the Giants to keep it close, which counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and betting the underdog.
Dolphins over Vikings: Mrs. Cosby, refuting claims that Bill is a predator, says her husband is a “kind man, a generous man, a funny man and a wonderful husband, father and friend.” And, judging by many accounts, he’s also allegedly a pretty good amateur pharmacist.
Packers over Bucs: Charlie Manson reportedly bought his fiancée, Afton Burton, a wedding ring. And it’s only going to get better for the future Mrs. Manson — the rumor out of Corcoran State is that for Christmas he plans to give her a soldering iron so she can burn a swastika into her forehead.
Lions over Bears: Obama operatives reportedly are pushing progressive Mass. Senator and self-proclaimed Native American Elizabeth Warren to run for president, which could hurt Hillary Clinton’s chances of winning the nomination. If that happens, count on The Portly Pantsuit pinning the blame on “the vast left-wing conspiracy.”
If the woman sometimes called Fauxcahontas does make it to the White House, she will be the first true Commander-in-Chief.
Saints over Falcons: It turns out Pope Francis, contrary to initial reporting, did not say, “Paradise is open to all God’s creatures.” How could it be? Chances are many dogs would be turned away at the gates for using their time on Earth to commit unforgivable sins such as repeatedly humping human legs, senselessly destroying their owners’ property and polluting their homes with excessive indoor flatulence.
Steelers over Chiefs: If Roger Goodell ever loses his cushy $44 million a year gig with the NFL, he would have no problem landing a job with Sony, where execs seemingly aren’t required to have a backbone.
If nothing else, the Sony hackers have confirmed Newton’s Third Law of Motion (for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction, as if you didn’t know). While panicking company execs such as co-chairwoman Amy Pascal, who on Thursday pleaded for forgiveness from Al Sharpton for her racially charged emails, basically have been screaming: “Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!,” the opportunistic Sharpton has been yelling: “Payday! Payday! Payday!”
Panthers over Browns: Sony producer Scott Rudin ripped into Angelina Jolie in an email, calling her “a minimally talented spoiled brat from Crazyland.” That gives her something in common with Johnny Manziel.
BarkingMut of SoBe, the HondoNation southern bureau chief, says Manziel has gone from Johnny Bench to Johnny Stench.
Ravens over Texans: Houston coach Bill O’Brien has to choose between QBs Case Keenum and Thad Lewis, which is like having to choose between Geno Smith and Michael Vick.
Bills over Raiders: Barbara Walters came out of retirement again to announce her Most Fascinating Person of the Year is Amal Clooney. That must be for Amal’s willingness to marry a man so insecure, according to Sony’s hacked emails, he pleaded with execs to give him “some protection from all the reviews” of “The Monuments Men.” The man’s a monument to wimpiness.
Cowboys over Colts: If there’s a movie to be made about the Sony surrender, it should be titled either “Faintheart” or “Cowering Inferno.” With Noel Coward no longer in the picture, Wimpy George Clooney would be perfect for the lead role.
Cardinals over Seahawks: More Mut: Bill Clinton was so delighted about Obama easing the trade embargo with Cuba that if Hillary wins the White House, he plans to invite Monica Lewinsky back to share in a big fat Cuban cigar.
Bengals over Broncos: You can be sure Red Billy de Blasio and Chirlane were havana good time, downing some Mojitos and Cuban sandwiches behind the 10-foot fence he built at Gracie Mansion to keep the proletariat from looking in. Now they’ll be able to visit their honeymoon site without going by way of Canada.
BEST BETS: Dolphins, Steelers, Ravens.
THURSDAY NIGHT: Jaguars.
Have yourselves a Merry little Christmas, HondoNation!
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